me,myself& i

so sail your wings to the clouds… and cry, cry if you want them to see.. die every game to be free..be proud to weAR the color that you call your own.. be strong and hold the flame for everyone to see..( light and shade by fra lippo lippi)

just recently she enjoyed singing the song "hawak-kamay" and still practicing frankie’s mcdo ad jingle.. well usha red has all grown up indeed. Been three years, since i became an intstrument of bringing her out into this seemingly-not-so easy world.. I could see myself in her, but i have to tell myself most of the time that she is not me and though she came through me she belong not to me..( khalil gibhran line hehehe) one day she have a life carve on her own desire, i could not dictate nor expect so much.. looking at her i could really say that she is indeed beautiful( not becasue kay nanay ko niya) because she really is, hers is a round face,with beautifully-black -long -curl lashes and her ohh her china eyes that paints so many emotions, a reflection of her childish curiosity.. Her papa has been counting years that in the year blah..blah.. she’ll hve her 18 debut and he is so excited and he keeps on telling me that usha could not have a boyfriend until she graduated from college.. i’ll just sigh and laugh at her father.I simply told him to just live each day with her while she is still young and she still depend on us coz when the time that she’ll be all grown up, we would have "kahati sa iyang attention".. By the way our daughter is already 3 years old, she’s still so anxious of the idea that she will be going to school na this june, a very caring ate, ultra-sweet yet ultimately demanding( she is in command) talkative, witty and soo smart, she had her baggage-full of reasons with her… Moreso, her name pala is USHA RED (other find it so difficult to spell her name correctly) it means SUNRISE is RED.. it symbolizes the struggle of the toiling masses and its aspiration that may one day genuine freedom, just peace and equality may reign in this oppressive society.. this is not a dream this would happen eventually.. ito kasi ang batas ng diyalektika, and i just hope that one day soon she would find herself in the cradle of the toiling masses join them and live with them in their struggle. 

but for now let usha be the sunrise in our home…

on january 25, alexa will be 4 months old, ang bilis ng panahon,almost 5 mos. ago,she was still in my womb.. now she already has a daily habit of waking up at 4:30 in the morning (our offical alarm clock, currently) and forcing us to carry her outside the house just to look around the sorroundings( she would cry-outloud, thus forcing me to get her up in bed). People would ask me where in the world we got her name.. anyways, alexa (we got her from her father, alexander) and Carhrihl ( it means, Comprehensive agreement on Respect for Human rights and International Humanitarian Law), an agreement that has a big significant for us, couple.. I would like to describe alexa as a person.. as a keen observer, talkative( she murmurs alot) and sensitive.. she also has jolie’s lips, which i think she wouldn’t need Belo’s help in the future to reconstruct her lips compared to other women outthere who painstakingly underwent a surgery just to make their lips full like jolie( hahahaha)..seriuosly,all what’s left for us is a hope that somehow she( and her ate) would grow up into a fine person that she would want to be, i dont want to put pressure on her, i just wanted her to enjoy life to the fullest ( hope so).Although, i could never be at ease knowing how complicated life is and how tough and mean the WORLD is..hmmmm..as for now i thank and live each moment while she is just our little bundle of joy, years from now i know though its painful, she may have a life of her own and somehow we really have to let her go, to spread her wings( like carey’s butterfly) and explore life.. taking pain.. be healed and grow….grow into a beautiful person as she is..

at 25.. life is a heck of a roller-coster ride indeed… looking back it was as if am travelling swiftly against time, i thought i was still 15( when the world was young& life was not so damn complicated, i guess so) but for now, i am already a nanay& a wife.. i was kinda nostalgic lately.. there’s a lot of what "if" &" would have become".. but i made a choice& i have to stand by it.. no regrets.. i guess, ill be travelling through time again,tomorrow ill be 35, my children will all grow up and so do i.. i just wish ill be wiser enough