broken… at 25
Hummmm…I got married when I was 21, while the rest of my friends are enjoying such newfound life & freedom exploring and enjoying it to the highest level , i guess so..while me? I chose to be committed to a lifetime relationship and kind-very-hard-commitment.. Yep,I was happy and I stood by my decision to create a happy and loving family life even in the midst of a cruel and complicated world.. damn, I tried so hard and doing such mean sacrificing certain dreams, certain lifestyle, certain stuffs in order for our marriage to work out just right. Although were no perfect human being and were no perfect couple as well, yet we tried and i tried to love, adjust and accept our flaws, our differences( dare not to think that it was just as easy as that), and sometimes if not most of the time I caught myself crying, sometimes even lost in dreams and wishful thinking for a more convenient and less complicated married life.. i cant deny such fact that sometime in all the years of married life often than not we find ourselves wishing for an entirely different set-up…
With that, I always told my husband since the day we got married, that deception is a mortal sin… and four years after and thousand days passed by i caught him playing the game, although he said that he never went too far… yet the betrayal of trust stabbed me like a thousand swords, knives and thousand of any other deadliest thing on earth.. in short, I got depressed..I was shattered into pieces..broke.. I was in denial at first, thinking that it could never happen to me, but it happened right behind my back and it sucks!!!. i know i am not good in handling lies that is why I’d like to take and keep the truth no matter how painful it is..I even told him about it too..(ohh really honesty is such a lonely word)
Honestly, i was hurt and i am still hurting up to this day, there are lots of thoughts pouring and running down on my head, how will i be able to appreciate life despite what happened..how am i going to be stronger in the face of everybody else especially with my kids when they are still young and so innocent, they did not have a single bet what i am going through right now…yet i know deep in me that i’ll be over with this.. get through with this hell and as of now i am still trying to collect the broken pieces of me, learning to stand and appreciating the beauty of life beneath the pains and tears.hahaaayyyy
there’ll be sunshine…soon.
